


Hopeless Thoughts

by xxljp



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Sad Ending, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 04:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16906164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxljp/pseuds/xxljp
Summary: Arthur loses his temper with the wrong guy





	Hopeless Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> pls let me know how you feel about this :)xx

you were laying on your own with the view of the lake in front of you, drifted by your own thoughts and your mind was full with disparate ideas. Your back was on the old tall tree that covered the sunlight from your face which made your feelings even more darker. You were like this for 2 months now, you stopped laughing and you are not talking as much as you used to. Your mind kept thinking about Arthur and where he could be now, you pulled the last letter Arthur wrote for you closer to your heart and shut your eyes to remember the day that changed everything.

-2 months earlier-

When you met Arthur for the first time you knew that your life with him won’t be easy, and you knew that Arthur himself is not an easy person. But you loved him and you were ready to do anything for this love.

The war always had its own shadow on your husband’s life. the nightmares, his drinking habits and all the times he lost his mind, he blamed it all on the war. You were understandable as Arthur said to his family and you tried your best block that shadow.

Today was different. You woke up because Arthur’s heavy breathing and his moving hand, you noticed that his body was full of sweat.

“Arthur love, Arthur wake up!” You called your husband as he kept screaming

“GET OF ME, GET OFF ME”

But what was different today that he pushed you hard thinking that you are the enemy. You fell off the bed and you can feel the pain in half of your body, he never attacked you never, you were surprised by his action as he kept being in his own war. You stood up immediately putting both of your hands on his head calling for his name until he was finally here with you. You held his head closer to your chest and kept comforting him with kisses on his head while Arthur was doing his own thinking and his eyes felt distant.

“I’m sorry love, I’m sorry.” He said with a low raspy voice as he held your arms.

“It’s fine Arthur.”

“Did I hurt you?”

You put your body in front of Arthur’s body and you hold his head between your hands, you tried to do some eyes contact but Arthur’s eyes were down and you can feel that he is ashamed of himself “no Arthur you didn’t.” You lied because you knew that saying the truth will make everything even worse.

After a struggle, Arthur finally got out of the bed to have some breakfast. He sits in the kitchen as you tried to prepare the breakfast so fast. Arthur’s eyes were on you as you moved but no one said anything, at first you tried to change the room mood by asking Arthur about what he wanted for breakfast but he didn’t respond so you dropped the idea of talking for a while.

“It keeps getting worse,” Arthur said finally as you put a cup of tea in front of him.

“What Arthur?”

“My mind, my bloody mind… it keeps getting worse” he hit his head with his hand multiple times until you run to hold his hands. “Nothing works anymore…. cocaine, whiskey, boxing… it’s all fucking useless now.”

“Arthur..” you said trying to catch his attention “just tell me, Arthur… I will help you, I love you”

“You won’t understand… everything is just happening too fast…” he said as he moved his body to the edge of his chair putting his head on the table trying to stop whatever is going inside him.

“I’ll try Arthur… just tell me what is on your mind love. This will help you, believe me.”

Suddenly he waved his arm around the table breaking everything that was on it and he walked outside the house as you kept calling for him but he didn’t look back.

Arthur was not always like this, he would always tell you what is going on in his mind because you knew the right things to say back, he tries his best to not lose his mind when he is with you but you got used to his temper. However, this time it’s all different you can tell, maybe it’s a business matter that it’s bothering him and he can’t tell you because it’s supposed to be a secret, but he will usually tell you the secrets if it is bothering him too much. You were hopeless taken by your own ideas to figure out what is wrong.

Its 11 pm now and Arthur is not home yet. You stayed on the sofa with a cup of tea waiting for your husband to come home, probably drunk. Suddenly you heard a knock on the door as you rushed to open it and it was Tommy. Tommy would only visit you at this time if something bad happened in the boxing ring, there were some days were your husband will lose control of himself and act like an animal, he would hit the other man without stopping and only you could stop him so his brother would always come here to get you, or rarely he would kill a man or a kid in a match and will start to lose his sense and he needed you to bring him back. This is not an easy thing for you, to see the man you love like this but you got used to it.

“What is it this time Tommy? What did he do?” you asked Tommy as you started wearing your coat.

“Just come,” Tommy said with a straight face and started walking.

You followed Tommy as he walked in front of you, he was walking slower than usual and you can tell he was nervous. You kept asking Tommy what is wrong but he didn’t answer, he just kept telling you to calm down which made you stress.

Tommy passed the boxing ring and he kept walking which made you immediately think that Arthur killed someone, your heart beats are going faster now, you are not ready to see the man you always loved broken, not again. You asked Tommy again about Arthur and he didn’t say anything new, he just told you to calm down.

As you walked into some warehouse, the usual place where they would put the body of people they killed. You found a huge body covered with a white sheet, few tears left your eyes already as you walked closer. You were looking around because normally you would find your husband on the corner of the room sitting with guilt and shame in his eyes. As you kept walking closer you didn’t find him, he was not there. The dead body is right next to you now and you didn’t see your Arthur yet, your heart started to race you can feel the unbearable pain in your stomach, you hopelessly called his name waiting for him to appear, but he didn’t. You whispered to Tommy a little “no” as he was standing next to the door and tears were coming out of your eyes already. You didn’t want to see what is underneath the sheet because this will only confirm your thoughts.

As you put your shaking hand on the sheet to remove it slowly, the moment you saw Arthur’s eyes you screamed his name with tears all over your faces, Tommy run to hold you and he told you to calm down. You ignored him and you kept screaming the name of the man you loved between Tommys arms and he was not moving, he was just there soulless. You pushed Tommy and you put your head on Arthur’s dead heart, sobbing. You stayed like this for a long time until you felt Tommy’s hand on your back and he said “he lost it with the wrong guy”, you ignored him as you raised your body to kiss Arthur face multiple times for the last time hoping that you will remember what his skin feels like forever. You put your lips closer to his ears hoping that he will somehow hear you 

“I love you, Arthur, I love you… forever.”


End file.
